As a child, was home a scary place for you?

If home was a scary place

When you were little, your home felt unsafe and frightening. Danger wasn't a one-off. The threat was always there. There was either danger, or waiting for danger.

You were a child, so there's no way you could have stopped it. But that doesn't stop you feeling guilty and resentful, even now.

It impacts you to this day. You can feel down or anxious. Situations that feel safe for others don't feel safe for you.

On Guard

You'd love to bring people closer. But you notice that you keep them at arms length. Your guard is up, understandably. But it means you can often feel lonely and isolated.

Your need for safety and to protect yourself from danger can get in the way of a fulfilling life. Especially if mixed with low self worth.

Even when things are going well, you expect the good times to be taken away again - just like when you were little.

Relationships

It affects relationships, because you find it hard to relax and have faith that they'll last. You are always waiting for it to come crashing down, or to be rejected all of a sudden.

Things hurt your heart more than most. You feel sensitive to harsh words and put downs.

Perhaps you tend to put yourself second too. You're used to the needs of others being more important than your own. So you don't push for what you need.

Then you miss out once more, and you feel hurt and resentful all over again.

You want to matter

You want to get your needs met at last. You want to feel safe and be happy. You want the past to stop messing with your adult life.

You have carried this for so long. You deserve for this to change. But talking to others is hard. Unless they went through it too, they can't fully understand. And part of you feels ashamed somehow.

You feel scared that the pain runs too deep for you. You're worried that you're "too damaged." You fear that there's no hope for you. That this pain is what you're stuck with. That there's just too much to be healed.

Healing

Even the prospect of healing is scary.

So you feel stuck, despite your best efforts. You want to put this burden down and move on without it. But you wonder if that's even possible.

Let me reassure you

I understand what you're going through because I've been there too.

You're not alone with these feelings. More than 1 in 7 adults lived in scary homes as children, just like you did. Your feelings are completely normal given what you experienced at such a young age. 

And here's the good news

If you lived through this when you were young, you no longer have to live with the effects of it today.

I know there are many proven ways to help you heal and reshape your life, without medication. There is a different way to heal. That's what I specialise in.

You are powerful

You really are. More so than most. You have developed amazing gifts and superpowers that helped you survive that environment. Any little child who overcame what you did is a hero.

You don't have to do this on your own

I'd like to help you unlock that heroism to lead the life that you want, free of the impact of the past.

Break free from survival mode

People with our history live in survival mode. 

You're on edge, your body is stressed, you're hyper alert, and feel sensitive to emotional pain. You still live according to beliefs and behaviours that were designed just to get you through. To survive. 

And that meant limiting you, out of necessity. You were smart enough to figure out that there were certain things that it wasn't safe to do.

So you created a survival mode version of you. And it worked. You did get through it. You did survive. That's a huge achievement in itself.

But now, you're still in survival mode. So you miss out on fully living. You still edit yourself. You still have your guard up.

You're still focused on survival rather than living. Even if your situation is much safer now than it was back then. (Or if it isn't safer, maybe you notice that old, scary dynamic keeps showing up in your adult life too and you want it to change.)

It's like the war is over and you are still living on rations. You deserve better than rations. You've had enough of it being this way.

The past that you somehow got through is still shaping how you live today. How you view yourself. What you allow yourself to do and feel. Whether you allow yourself to put your needs first.

It's time to take back control of your life. That's why you are reading this after all. It's time that you experience fully living.

You deserve to reach your true potential. To have nourishing, loving relationships. To feel secure and at peace. To get what you truly want, rather than what merely gets you through.

To thrive. To enjoy life. To like who you are. To know and feel that you deserve good things.

To move from survival mode to fully living.

A Bit About Me

So here's a bit about me, the person, so you can see whether I'm someone you'd enjoy working with.

Before I was a therapist, I was an award winning musician, singer and songwriter - something I still do in my own time.

I am the Founder and Life President of non-league football club AFC Liverpool, which is owned and run by its own supporters.

I'm a comedy lover - everything from stand up to slapstick. Favourites include Laurel & Hardy, Peep Show and Curb Your Enthusiasm.

I used to run the improvised theatre company Proper Made Up. We made up entire plays unscripted on the spot based on the audience's suggestion.

Other than that I love books and I often listen to podcasts.

In terms of personality, my friends know me for my creativity, humour, kindness, warmth, a willingness to think differently from the crowd, and for what one friend described as my "stubborn integrity".

Not Yet Feeling Quite Ready? 

That's okay. In the meantime, you might find my daily podcast useful.

Here are the latest episodes below.